It's always a hard decision for me whether to make New Years Resolutions or not.
I think it's a good practice to set goals for yourself, and what better time than at the beginning of a new piece of your life? But here comes the decision: I've never actually kept a New Years resolution. Do I make one and probably fail yet again? Or do I look at it optimistically and try again hoping I'll actually do it this time?
That said, I am making a few resolutions. And you may ask me if I'm keeping them.
First, i'm going to get into shape. That included doing p90x, and actually finishing it this time. I also plan to start running again, and I'd like to start swimming. One of my life goals is to do a triathlon, and eventually to finish an Iron Man triathlon. I need to start getting onto shape now.
Second, I'm going to read through the Bible this year. I got a One Year Bible for Christmas, so I really have not excuse this time. I've wanted to for a while, and I've tried before. I've also tried to get myself into a daily devotional routine, which the One Year Bible will help with.
Third, I've got some personal issues I'm going to be working through this year. I'm still working on setting concrete goals, so they probably won't be technically New Years resolutions, but I've resolving on New Years to change these character flaws and bad habits.
Beyond resolution, I'm hoping to figure out a plan for my life this year, a direction to go. I have a good idea, and I've talked to a couple people about it, but it's going to take some definite planning and some timing on my part.
So, anyone who reads this and cares to, I'd appreciate your prayers as I go through some major growing pains this year physically, mentally, and spiritually. Thanks :D
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Writer's Block
I have it.
I want to start writing again, got to start writing again...and drawing, even though I'm not good at drawing...
I've got stories running through me mind, but no beginnings, no endings...only characters, events, landscapes...
This is a short post, but I thought it might help with the blockage...
I want to start writing again, got to start writing again...and drawing, even though I'm not good at drawing...
I've got stories running through me mind, but no beginnings, no endings...only characters, events, landscapes...
This is a short post, but I thought it might help with the blockage...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The life laid out before me to live...
Dear friends, readers, and any rando who somehow ended up on my blog and decided to read this,
As of tomorrow afternoon (Sept 23, 2010), I shall have deactivated my Facebook account indefinitely. I have my reasons, some of which I shall share, and some of which I shall keep for myself if only for the moment.
I've come to see my Facebook addiction as a sort of voyeurism, a gratification at watching other people's lives and seeing their updates, pictures, links, etc.
Among other things, I've realized that in the amount of time I spend trolling Facebook looking for updates, refreshing my page, playing games with no real world reward, I could be spending doing any number of tasks that would better my own life and allow me to actually LIVE rather than just survive.
A year ago, I was living outside Pagosa Springs in a small community of like minded individuals who had gathered for the express purpose of learning and living, thus learning how to live.
I long for that feeling again, that desire and drive to dig down deep into the same hole in order to discover the truth of life. And Facebook has become a shackle around my neck keeping me from pressing on into the life which God has laid out before me.
So, I've made the decision to deactivate my Facebook account indefinitely. The only definite is that I shall read 5 books between now and the next time I log in: War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, Augustine's Confessions, and 2 other players yet to be named. I'm contemplating Heart of Darkness as one of the two, but have yet to settle.
Another thing I shall be doing daily between now and the next time I log into Facebook is working out, beating my body into submission so that I may run the race set out before me, literally. Two of my goals in life are to finish a marathon and to finish an IronMan Triathlon. In order to do that, I must focus myself now so that when I start training purposefully for those races, I will be starting from a solid base rather than from nothing.
I plan to tailor the P90x workouts to my goals: strength, endurance, and flexibility. I'm not looking for muscle mass, but strength. I am a rock climber, and climbers need to be small but incredibly strong and have incredible endurance and flexibility. In order to attain my goals, I am also going to get a membership at the YMCA near my office to begin swimming regularly, and I plan to get a membership at the indoor rock climbing gym near my office to begin working on my climbing strength. I will also eventually get a heavy bag and start a boxing workout.
...but wait, there's more! I'm going to start running at least 3 days a week. rain/shine/sleet/snow, I will go running.
Third, and possibly the most influential, I'm questioned myself on the subject of friendship of late, and I find it necessary to revert to more arcane methods of correspondence and fellowship in my daily routine. In essence, I shall be writing letters to some, making phone calls to others, and making an effort to spend time face-to-face with those I am able. It is my true and honest belief that since the advent of online social networking, true friendships have become archaic and acquaintance has taken its place. I intend to decipher what a friend truly is in the coming months, and I intend to use what I learn to become a friend to any who will return the honor.
Some of you who are reading this are seriously wondering what has gotten into me - this doesn't sound like the Michael Slavish that you know and love (or love to hate). I assure you that this is entirely of my own accord and was all my idea (no one's gotten into my head and planted anything there...as least no one that I'm aware of).
I have too much going on in my life to just survive.
If I sit back and let life happen to me, I will regret this moment for the rest of my life, of that I am sure. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do my very best to regret NOTHING. I have a horrible memory, which is a gift and a curse. Perhaps it's because certain events in my life have made me somewhat callous in some respects, but I believe that one of my few good qualities is that I try to see the good in people, give them the benefit of the doubt...even when it seems apparent that a wound was intentional.
Here's where my experiment in separation from the social norm/social network become sticky. Depending on how I enjoy being without Facebook,I reserve the right to delete my account completely once I log back in. I will give everyone at least a week's notice before then so that I can get your address/phone number if we'd like to stay in contact that way. So, it is with great hope in the future that I bid thee farewell.
"Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?"
-Ceteris Paribus (All Things Being Equal)
As of tomorrow afternoon (Sept 23, 2010), I shall have deactivated my Facebook account indefinitely. I have my reasons, some of which I shall share, and some of which I shall keep for myself if only for the moment.
I've come to see my Facebook addiction as a sort of voyeurism, a gratification at watching other people's lives and seeing their updates, pictures, links, etc.
Among other things, I've realized that in the amount of time I spend trolling Facebook looking for updates, refreshing my page, playing games with no real world reward, I could be spending doing any number of tasks that would better my own life and allow me to actually LIVE rather than just survive.
A year ago, I was living outside Pagosa Springs in a small community of like minded individuals who had gathered for the express purpose of learning and living, thus learning how to live.
I long for that feeling again, that desire and drive to dig down deep into the same hole in order to discover the truth of life. And Facebook has become a shackle around my neck keeping me from pressing on into the life which God has laid out before me.
So, I've made the decision to deactivate my Facebook account indefinitely. The only definite is that I shall read 5 books between now and the next time I log in: War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, Augustine's Confessions, and 2 other players yet to be named. I'm contemplating Heart of Darkness as one of the two, but have yet to settle.
Another thing I shall be doing daily between now and the next time I log into Facebook is working out, beating my body into submission so that I may run the race set out before me, literally. Two of my goals in life are to finish a marathon and to finish an IronMan Triathlon. In order to do that, I must focus myself now so that when I start training purposefully for those races, I will be starting from a solid base rather than from nothing.
I plan to tailor the P90x workouts to my goals: strength, endurance, and flexibility. I'm not looking for muscle mass, but strength. I am a rock climber, and climbers need to be small but incredibly strong and have incredible endurance and flexibility. In order to attain my goals, I am also going to get a membership at the YMCA near my office to begin swimming regularly, and I plan to get a membership at the indoor rock climbing gym near my office to begin working on my climbing strength. I will also eventually get a heavy bag and start a boxing workout.
...but wait, there's more! I'm going to start running at least 3 days a week. rain/shine/sleet/snow, I will go running.
Third, and possibly the most influential, I'm questioned myself on the subject of friendship of late, and I find it necessary to revert to more arcane methods of correspondence and fellowship in my daily routine. In essence, I shall be writing letters to some, making phone calls to others, and making an effort to spend time face-to-face with those I am able. It is my true and honest belief that since the advent of online social networking, true friendships have become archaic and acquaintance has taken its place. I intend to decipher what a friend truly is in the coming months, and I intend to use what I learn to become a friend to any who will return the honor.
Some of you who are reading this are seriously wondering what has gotten into me - this doesn't sound like the Michael Slavish that you know and love (or love to hate). I assure you that this is entirely of my own accord and was all my idea (no one's gotten into my head and planted anything there...as least no one that I'm aware of).
I have too much going on in my life to just survive.
If I sit back and let life happen to me, I will regret this moment for the rest of my life, of that I am sure. Anyone who knows me well knows that I do my very best to regret NOTHING. I have a horrible memory, which is a gift and a curse. Perhaps it's because certain events in my life have made me somewhat callous in some respects, but I believe that one of my few good qualities is that I try to see the good in people, give them the benefit of the doubt...even when it seems apparent that a wound was intentional.
Here's where my experiment in separation from the social norm/social network become sticky. Depending on how I enjoy being without Facebook,I reserve the right to delete my account completely once I log back in. I will give everyone at least a week's notice before then so that I can get your address/phone number if we'd like to stay in contact that way. So, it is with great hope in the future that I bid thee farewell.
"Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?"
-Ceteris Paribus (All Things Being Equal)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
musings on pain and profit
In the words of the band Three Days Grace-- "I'd rather have pain than nothing at all"
That used to be true of me, which is one reason I started listening to that band. I could identify with the lyrics. But today my view of pain has changed in a large way.
See, I'm actually in pain right now, and when you're in pain you realize how nice it is not to hurt.
Now, I know that everyone who follows this at the moment knows from my Facebook posts that I can't walk, am using a cane to get around, and have no idea why I can't put weight on my foot. And on top of that, I can't get in to see the doctor for a month (exactly a month as of today), so I'll be like this for a while.
Most of you also know that I don't try to change things that I can't, or at least I try to have a good attitude about things. I tell myself at the beginning of a bad day that it's going to be a good day. I fall and pick myself back up, much like in Batman Begins--"Why do we fall Master Bruce? So that we may learn to pick ourselves up again."
I believe that the Fruit of the Spirit is not something that happens to us, but something that we learn to embrace and that we must strive to embody.
Right now I'm learning patience, self-control, joy, peace, and faithfulness--all at the same time. I'm also learning the healing power of pain.
That's right, I said the HEALING power of PAIN. I'm not sure what that looks like yet, but it's something that's been washing over me the last few days.
You see, when you're in mind numbing agony, the "simple pleasures" that are really our favorite little sins are the farthest thing from your mind. And when they do come to mind, you scoff at them because you know they won't help you. You're bathing yourself in Christ as you pray that God would either take the pain away or give you the grace to abide in Him through the pain. And the best place to be to avoid temptation is abiding in Christ.
So as I abide, I find myself not only closer to the heart of Christ, but farther from my own sinful desires.
So, while it's no longer true that I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all, I am very content is the excruciating agony that shoots up my leg every time I take a step. or flex my foot. or just sit still. I know that God's answering my prayer to be freed from my sinful addiction by forcing me to choose Christ or pain--even though choosing Christ doesn't end the pain.
I'm right where I should be, and I know that the pain of now is the glory of tomorrow. Like the visual from the New Testament of passing through the fire with all of our earthly treasures and only those things which survive the flame follow us into paradise. That's going to really hurt, but it'll be soooo worth it.
So, while prayer is appreciated, Please don't pray that God would remove the pain. I'd much rather you pray for the grace and patience that I can endure the pain and abide in Christ as I learn what the fire holds. Thanks.
Ceteris Paribus
That used to be true of me, which is one reason I started listening to that band. I could identify with the lyrics. But today my view of pain has changed in a large way.
See, I'm actually in pain right now, and when you're in pain you realize how nice it is not to hurt.
Now, I know that everyone who follows this at the moment knows from my Facebook posts that I can't walk, am using a cane to get around, and have no idea why I can't put weight on my foot. And on top of that, I can't get in to see the doctor for a month (exactly a month as of today), so I'll be like this for a while.
Most of you also know that I don't try to change things that I can't, or at least I try to have a good attitude about things. I tell myself at the beginning of a bad day that it's going to be a good day. I fall and pick myself back up, much like in Batman Begins--"Why do we fall Master Bruce? So that we may learn to pick ourselves up again."
I believe that the Fruit of the Spirit is not something that happens to us, but something that we learn to embrace and that we must strive to embody.
Right now I'm learning patience, self-control, joy, peace, and faithfulness--all at the same time. I'm also learning the healing power of pain.
That's right, I said the HEALING power of PAIN. I'm not sure what that looks like yet, but it's something that's been washing over me the last few days.
You see, when you're in mind numbing agony, the "simple pleasures" that are really our favorite little sins are the farthest thing from your mind. And when they do come to mind, you scoff at them because you know they won't help you. You're bathing yourself in Christ as you pray that God would either take the pain away or give you the grace to abide in Him through the pain. And the best place to be to avoid temptation is abiding in Christ.
So as I abide, I find myself not only closer to the heart of Christ, but farther from my own sinful desires.
So, while it's no longer true that I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all, I am very content is the excruciating agony that shoots up my leg every time I take a step. or flex my foot. or just sit still. I know that God's answering my prayer to be freed from my sinful addiction by forcing me to choose Christ or pain--even though choosing Christ doesn't end the pain.
I'm right where I should be, and I know that the pain of now is the glory of tomorrow. Like the visual from the New Testament of passing through the fire with all of our earthly treasures and only those things which survive the flame follow us into paradise. That's going to really hurt, but it'll be soooo worth it.
So, while prayer is appreciated, Please don't pray that God would remove the pain. I'd much rather you pray for the grace and patience that I can endure the pain and abide in Christ as I learn what the fire holds. Thanks.
Ceteris Paribus
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
means to a...
I always told myself I'd never live for the weekend.
Slogging through the work week, day by day, hoping that the boss doesn't throw one more thing on your plate, and focusing on the great time you're gonna have if you can just get past this damn work week...
This is the week I break that promise to myself. I can't wait for the weekend.
But contrary to the thoughts this state of mind elicits, I don't hate my job, and I don't have a wreck of a life that makes me hope for some me time. I actually quite enjoy my job, and life is pretty good.
It's definitely been a week, though. Plans change, hope dies, vacation gets shortened significantly, and it's time to figure things out again.
It's gonna be a good weekend. I don't think I'll have to work Saturday, which means I might get to go climbing, or maybe even drive up to BV so I can mow the lawn for my dad (since he's out of town) and change my oil (since I've put 5000 on my new car in 2 and a half months). On Sunday I'm even going to go look at a house that I might want to buy. It's an awesome house...well, it's an awesome old church that could be my house. We'll see.
Change.
I love change. My last blog post was about stagnation and how I felt like my bones were rotting away inside of me (OK, I exaggerate a bit). Today I'm trying to settle myself into a plan that allows me to hold down an unchanging job in an unchanging town around mostly unchanging people. This house/church may become my ever changing rock that anchors me to one place. How weird is that?
I've realized that my blog is like a mist. Always drifting from one subject to the next, some things clear, others obscured by the ramblings of my mind, it never quite takes a solid form, yet it's complete in its own right.
So today I leave you with a sentiment I agree with from Augustine. He said: "Love God and do whatever the hell you want." And I must add, you must do it in that order.
Ceteris Paribus
Slogging through the work week, day by day, hoping that the boss doesn't throw one more thing on your plate, and focusing on the great time you're gonna have if you can just get past this damn work week...
This is the week I break that promise to myself. I can't wait for the weekend.
But contrary to the thoughts this state of mind elicits, I don't hate my job, and I don't have a wreck of a life that makes me hope for some me time. I actually quite enjoy my job, and life is pretty good.
It's definitely been a week, though. Plans change, hope dies, vacation gets shortened significantly, and it's time to figure things out again.
It's gonna be a good weekend. I don't think I'll have to work Saturday, which means I might get to go climbing, or maybe even drive up to BV so I can mow the lawn for my dad (since he's out of town) and change my oil (since I've put 5000 on my new car in 2 and a half months). On Sunday I'm even going to go look at a house that I might want to buy. It's an awesome house...well, it's an awesome old church that could be my house. We'll see.
Change.
I love change. My last blog post was about stagnation and how I felt like my bones were rotting away inside of me (OK, I exaggerate a bit). Today I'm trying to settle myself into a plan that allows me to hold down an unchanging job in an unchanging town around mostly unchanging people. This house/church may become my ever changing rock that anchors me to one place. How weird is that?
I've realized that my blog is like a mist. Always drifting from one subject to the next, some things clear, others obscured by the ramblings of my mind, it never quite takes a solid form, yet it's complete in its own right.
So today I leave you with a sentiment I agree with from Augustine. He said: "Love God and do whatever the hell you want." And I must add, you must do it in that order.
Ceteris Paribus
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
my mind rebels at stagnation
I haven't gotten much sleep in the last month. I say that not so you'll feel sorry for me or suggest remedies, but for the sake of anything that makes no sense in what I write tonight. You've been warned.
I'm comfortable.
I have a full time, steady job that pays the bills and allows me to irresponsibly spend more than I should without going deeper into debt. The fact that I'm working upwards of 50 hours a week aside, it's a sweet gig. I have my favorite ministry, Summit Ministries in Manitou Springs, to spend pretty much every night surrounded by like minded wayfarers on the journey of life from adolescence into adulthood, whatever that means these days. I have a place to live that's pretty dang nice and cheaper that I could've hoped for. And I've got my hopes, dreams, aspirations, and afflictions.
And yet I bumble about in my own mind looking for the next big thing, praying for God to show me the next step in my journey, the girl I'm supposed to marry, the new professional stepping stone, the girl I'm supposed to marry...did I already say that?...dang...
I'm comfortable...
I don't know why, but I hate being comfortable. It has a sense of stagnation to me, like that birdbath that you forgot to clean out, or that Chipotle sac that you accidentally shoved under the passenger seat of your car...something's just not quite right even though by all observable data, everything's running smoothly.
My body hurts for no good reason, my mind stagnates with the glow of my work computer screen, my brain fries from my two cell phones and my bluetooth headset, my bed welcomes me every night and disappoints as I wake more exhausted than I was 6 hours before.
2 things I must do to revive myself into action: restart my body and refuel my soul.
I must start running every day and working out in some other way at least 3 times per week. I'm slowly killing myself with Chipotle lunches and PB&J dinners. I must take my body back from the sluggishness which has set upon my bones.
I must return to my books, specifically my Bible and the list of classics I was supposed to have read by this month. How can I hear God's call into the next phase of my life if I don't speak the language in which he calls?
As Sertillanges said, "to dig and dig into the same hole is the way to get down deep and to surprise the secrets of the earth." I must get off my coffee break and make myself uncomfortable, because no work gets done when you're comfortable. I must move.
As for the things I keep asking God to show me...I'm convinced they will become apparent in good time...and at least one isn't even in my own hands anyway.
If what you're doing now won't take 50 years to accomplish, you're not thinking big enough. I intend to save the world. I think that will take at least 50 years. Your help would be appreciated.
--Ceteris Paribus
I'm comfortable.
I have a full time, steady job that pays the bills and allows me to irresponsibly spend more than I should without going deeper into debt. The fact that I'm working upwards of 50 hours a week aside, it's a sweet gig. I have my favorite ministry, Summit Ministries in Manitou Springs, to spend pretty much every night surrounded by like minded wayfarers on the journey of life from adolescence into adulthood, whatever that means these days. I have a place to live that's pretty dang nice and cheaper that I could've hoped for. And I've got my hopes, dreams, aspirations, and afflictions.
And yet I bumble about in my own mind looking for the next big thing, praying for God to show me the next step in my journey, the girl I'm supposed to marry, the new professional stepping stone, the girl I'm supposed to marry...did I already say that?...dang...
I'm comfortable...
I don't know why, but I hate being comfortable. It has a sense of stagnation to me, like that birdbath that you forgot to clean out, or that Chipotle sac that you accidentally shoved under the passenger seat of your car...something's just not quite right even though by all observable data, everything's running smoothly.
My body hurts for no good reason, my mind stagnates with the glow of my work computer screen, my brain fries from my two cell phones and my bluetooth headset, my bed welcomes me every night and disappoints as I wake more exhausted than I was 6 hours before.
2 things I must do to revive myself into action: restart my body and refuel my soul.
I must start running every day and working out in some other way at least 3 times per week. I'm slowly killing myself with Chipotle lunches and PB&J dinners. I must take my body back from the sluggishness which has set upon my bones.
I must return to my books, specifically my Bible and the list of classics I was supposed to have read by this month. How can I hear God's call into the next phase of my life if I don't speak the language in which he calls?
As Sertillanges said, "to dig and dig into the same hole is the way to get down deep and to surprise the secrets of the earth." I must get off my coffee break and make myself uncomfortable, because no work gets done when you're comfortable. I must move.
As for the things I keep asking God to show me...I'm convinced they will become apparent in good time...and at least one isn't even in my own hands anyway.
If what you're doing now won't take 50 years to accomplish, you're not thinking big enough. I intend to save the world. I think that will take at least 50 years. Your help would be appreciated.
--Ceteris Paribus
Friday, April 2, 2010
Let the Games Begin
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:1-2 (ESV)
Most people, Christian, Atheist, or otherwise affiliated, know this verse and use it when it suits them. Christians tend to use it when they’ve done something deemed wrong by another Christian, Atheists use it when a Christian pushes his morality on them, and others use it for similar reasons and in similar ways. But the problem is that almost everyone stops with the first verse. “Judge not, that you be not judged.”
No one who uses this verse in the aforementioned ways wants to read on and see that it’s not a commandment not to judge, but a warning to the Judge. “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” The NASB says it this way, “For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.”
Warning noted, and taken to heart, I choose to judge ideas according to the standard which I want my ideas judged. I choose to judge people according to the standard against which I shall someday be judged. I choose to submit myself to a single standard, and ask you to hold me up against the standard which I plan to set in this blog.
I learned what to think in high school, church, college, and at home. The difference between home and the other three is that my parents also tried to teach me how and why to think. I later learned from others much more experienced than I how to test ideas against tradition, scripture (both Holy Scriptures and classically accepted truths), and modern advances in both thought and technology.
This is my background as a Philosopher, plus or minus a few University courses in the subject.
I encourage you, reader, to challenge me and my ideas, my claims, and my core beliefs that shall seep out through the issues I choose to take up. In fact, I implore you to, for only through debating what is the Truth can we discover if our minds are shielding us from it through our self created delusions or if we have accepted such truth as a foundation of the world.
Let the Games Begin!
Most people, Christian, Atheist, or otherwise affiliated, know this verse and use it when it suits them. Christians tend to use it when they’ve done something deemed wrong by another Christian, Atheists use it when a Christian pushes his morality on them, and others use it for similar reasons and in similar ways. But the problem is that almost everyone stops with the first verse. “Judge not, that you be not judged.”
No one who uses this verse in the aforementioned ways wants to read on and see that it’s not a commandment not to judge, but a warning to the Judge. “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” The NASB says it this way, “For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.”
Warning noted, and taken to heart, I choose to judge ideas according to the standard which I want my ideas judged. I choose to judge people according to the standard against which I shall someday be judged. I choose to submit myself to a single standard, and ask you to hold me up against the standard which I plan to set in this blog.
I learned what to think in high school, church, college, and at home. The difference between home and the other three is that my parents also tried to teach me how and why to think. I later learned from others much more experienced than I how to test ideas against tradition, scripture (both Holy Scriptures and classically accepted truths), and modern advances in both thought and technology.
This is my background as a Philosopher, plus or minus a few University courses in the subject.
I encourage you, reader, to challenge me and my ideas, my claims, and my core beliefs that shall seep out through the issues I choose to take up. In fact, I implore you to, for only through debating what is the Truth can we discover if our minds are shielding us from it through our self created delusions or if we have accepted such truth as a foundation of the world.
Let the Games Begin!
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