musings on pain and profit

In the words of the band Three Days Grace-- "I'd rather have pain than nothing at all"

That used to be true of me, which is one reason I started listening to that band. I could identify with the lyrics. But today my view of pain has changed in a large way.

See, I'm actually in pain right now, and when you're in pain you realize how nice it is not to hurt.

Now, I know that everyone who follows this at the moment knows from my Facebook posts that I can't walk, am using a cane to get around, and have no idea why I can't put weight on my foot. And on top of that, I can't get in to see the doctor for a month (exactly a month as of today), so I'll be like this for a while.

Most of you also know that I don't try to change things that I can't, or at least I try to have a good attitude about things. I tell myself at the beginning of a bad day that it's going to be a good day. I fall and pick myself back up, much like in Batman Begins--"Why do we fall Master Bruce? So that we may learn to pick ourselves up again."

I believe that the Fruit of the Spirit is not something that happens to us, but something that we learn to embrace and that we must strive to embody.

Right now I'm learning patience, self-control, joy, peace, and faithfulness--all at the same time. I'm also learning the healing power of pain.

That's right, I said the HEALING power of PAIN. I'm not sure what that looks like yet, but it's something that's been washing over me the last few days.

You see, when you're in mind numbing agony, the "simple pleasures" that are really our favorite little sins are the farthest thing from your mind. And when they do come to mind, you scoff at them because you know they won't help you. You're bathing yourself in Christ as you pray that God would either take the pain away or give you the grace to abide in Him through the pain. And the best place to be to avoid temptation is abiding in Christ.

So as I abide, I find myself not only closer to the heart of Christ, but farther from my own sinful desires.

So, while it's no longer true that I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all, I am very content is the excruciating agony that shoots up my leg every time I take a step. or flex my foot. or just sit still. I know that God's answering my prayer to be freed from my sinful addiction by forcing me to choose Christ or pain--even though choosing Christ doesn't end the pain.

I'm right where I should be, and I know that the pain of now is the glory of tomorrow. Like the visual from the New Testament of passing through the fire with all of our earthly treasures and only those things which survive the flame follow us into paradise. That's going to really hurt, but it'll be soooo worth it.

So, while prayer is appreciated, Please don't pray that God would remove the pain. I'd much rather you pray for the grace and patience that I can endure the pain and abide in Christ as I learn what the fire holds. Thanks.

Ceteris Paribus

means to a...

I always told myself I'd never live for the weekend.

Slogging through the work week, day by day, hoping that the boss doesn't throw one more thing on your plate, and focusing on the great time you're gonna have if you can just get past this damn work week...

This is the week I break that promise to myself. I can't wait for the weekend.

But contrary to the thoughts this state of mind elicits, I don't hate my job, and I don't have a wreck of a life that makes me hope for some me time. I actually quite enjoy my job, and life is pretty good.

It's definitely been a week, though. Plans change, hope dies, vacation gets shortened significantly, and it's time to figure things out again.

It's gonna be a good weekend. I don't think I'll have to work Saturday, which means I might get to go climbing, or maybe even drive up to BV so I can mow the lawn for my dad (since he's out of town) and change my oil (since I've put 5000 on my new car in 2 and a half months). On Sunday I'm even going to go look at a house that I might want to buy. It's an awesome house...well, it's an awesome old church that could be my house. We'll see.

Change.

I love change. My last blog post was about stagnation and how I felt like my bones were rotting away inside of me (OK, I exaggerate a bit). Today I'm trying to settle myself into a plan that allows me to hold down an unchanging job in an unchanging town around mostly unchanging people. This house/church may become my ever changing rock that anchors me to one place. How weird is that?

I've realized that my blog is like a mist. Always drifting from one subject to the next, some things clear, others obscured by the ramblings of my mind, it never quite takes a solid form, yet it's complete in its own right.

So today I leave you with a sentiment I agree with from Augustine. He said: "Love God and do whatever the hell you want." And I must add, you must do it in that order.

Ceteris Paribus